... when Diabetes reminds you that ultimately, it is in charge. Despite our best efforts to care for our kids and to make their lives normal, Diabetes ends up ruling. Today is Prisca's end of the year field trip. Her orchestra class is spending the day in Charleston at the water park. Normally I would go with her but, everything ended up being scheduled on today. Thankfully her teachers our wonderful and she has plenty of eyes and ears watching over her. I over-packed her bag with everything! She is totally capable of handling her diabetes but, I will worry all day. I was feeling good about this trip and confident that all will be well. I still know that she will be fine but, dropping her off got to me.
Most of the kids have a towel and maybe a little bag to carry their towel and money. Prisca has a book bag and small cooler. She has a temporary tattoo in plain sight reminding her and those around her that in fact, she is different. This is the very reason Prisca struggles with diabetes. She hates attention especially the attention given because she is different. Most parents send their kids off without a second thought. Parents of kids with type 1 diabetes agonize over any imaginable scenario, pack oodles of juice boxes and snacks, make sure the adult in charge has "Big Red" and all medical information, we pack and re-pack their bags, worried about enough test strips, batteries, insulin pens, extra pump supplies. Never being able to push the big "D" out of our minds. We watch our children as they worry about being away from us fearing that their care is left in someone else's hands. This is what is most unfair about this disease. It's not the pain of a blood sugar check, it's not the pain of an injection or pump site, it's the pain written on our children's face, the pain that tells us no matter how hard we try to make life normal, it simply isn't.
Today I will worry. Yes, she will be fine health-wise but, will she ever feel "fine" inside again? Without a doubt, my kids are the strongest, bravest, most mature kids I know and they will always be my heroes. I just wish I could take this from them and let them run off with their friends without a care in the world, I wish they could just be "normal" without Diabetes ruling their worlds.