When Lydia was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I was told that I should be grateful and thankful that is was diabetes and not something worse. I took that advice to heart and clung to it on my bad "I hate diabetes" days. I even told my children this very thing and shared it with others as well. Today, I wonder if I was wrong. I don't feel happy and grateful that the kids "only" have diabetes. I know my kids are thankful and grateful either.
Lydia has been struggling with her diabetes for quite a while now. We see a therapist several times a month. Today as I sat in the room and talked with the therapist it just kinda hit me. Sure, there are worse things but, isn't this bad enough? I have watched this sweet child of mine struggle so much lately. She hates life because of her diabetes. So much so, that we almost lost her in August. I have watched this happy, outgoing girl become someone who hates to go to school, doesn't want to deal with people who don't understand, is so unhappy it breaks my heart. No, I don't think I need to be thankful or grateful that my children "only" have diabetes. I am sorry for the times I have passed this advice on.
Thanks for letting me rant ... a broken hearted Momma.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
As I sit here in my recliner making "blue"tiful ornaments for our family ornament exchange, I have had lots of time to think. I have spent the time reflecting on the reason I am making these ornaments. Beautiful, blue circles, all sparkly and ready for our family to hang on their Christmas trees. Why blue circles you ask? Because that is the symbol for diabetes. No, I don't like, want, or try to make everything about diabetes but, honestly, it is hard to get away from. I spend my life trying to keep three sets of blood sugars, shots, pumps, and carbs straight in my mind. I have alarms that go off every three hours, all day, every day. Therefore, I advocate. I wear blue shoes every day. I participate in Promise to Remember Me meetings. I volunteer and do the walks. Why? Because I want to make others aware of diabetes, I want to educate and erase the myths, I want those who are in contact with my children to really understand diabetes, I want a cure.
So this year, I made ornaments. To most people they are just pretty blue ornaments. To me, they are another step to educate, to advocate.